Saturday, March 25, 2017

My First Refrain

Mike lost his job last June. Or was it July?  I can't even remember now. The exact timing isn't important, what is important is that it sucked. I know losing your job is never ideal, but this one hurt in a deep, personal way. It was sudden and unexpected and represented a betrayal of so many dimensions that I don't know if I'll ever be able to fully articulate them all. And really I don't know if doing so is all that important. Because the bottom line is, we're still here. We lie awake at night wondering what our next step is. Our friends and family seem to think that we will find our way, and for awhile I thought we would too, but to be honest I haven't felt that way in awhile. Now I just feel like this is our new normal. Struggling to make it, to find our way. I used to tell myself that one day I would look back on all this and it would seem distant to me, and perhaps one day I could even be grateful for it. I've lost that completely.  And for the first time in 8 months (9 months?) I feel like I have the words to begin to write it down.