Friday, September 23, 2011

Week 10:

Aversions: I haven’t been brave enough to try much chicken yet to see if that aversion still holds.  Generally I just have times where the thought of anything but very bland foods makes me queasy.  

Symptoms: A normal day me for is feeling tired pretty much all day and occasionally nauseated.  Funny what seems “normal” to me now!  But thankfully I can generally keep up the house and cook dinner.  A refreshing change!

Bump check: Last Saturday (first day of week 10) I had a stranger comment on my bump for the first time.  I don’t know the person, but she was probably not a very discreet person, because the shirt I was wearing would have made it hard to tell whether I’m pregnant or just fat!

Week 10!  You can tell a little bit when I wear certain clothes.

Cravings: I occasionally crave sugary candy.  Anything gummy.

This week we said goodbye to my first vehicle.  This ’95 Ford Ranger has been with me for 10 years, and it’s been a good little truck.  It was bittersweet saying goodbye to the old gal, but she went to a guy who bought it for his teenager…circle of life!

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Week 9

Aversions: Yep, still chicken.  I thought that chicken was a really weird thing to not be able to tolerate, but apparently it’s very common – I’ve been told by several women that they had the same thing!

Symptoms: I am sleeping a little better, at least when I sleep it is somewhat restful.  I’ve found that the hip pain I’ve been having is called Round Ligament Pain and it’s very common, although miserable!  It’s usually what wakes me up at night….that and the ever-constant bathroom visits!  Nausea is still there.  I’ve had some really bad days as of late, but some good days too.  The one symptom that seems to be my constant companion is tiredness!

Bump check: I hate to admit that I actually started to wear maternity clothes this week!  It’s not so much a matter of the bump growing THAT much yet, it’s just that my abdomen is doing a lot of changing and does not appreciate any sort of pressure or constriction.  

9 weeks picture.  Definitely a little something there!

Cravings – I always expected pregnancy cravings to be impossible to control, gotta-have-it-now kinda cravings, and I haven’t had those as of yet.  On the days I can actually tolerate food, I sometimes think,
“ya know what would be good right now?” but I did that before I was pregnant! 

One the first day of week 9 we went to the Gator football game in Gainesville.  We didn’t last the whole game (okay, *I* didn’t last the whole game!) but it was so much fun to be back in the Swamp!

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Tuesday, September 12, 2011

I seem to be in the midst of a nausea cycle – I feel better for a few days, then I will have a really bad day.  Yesterday was a pretty bad day – I usually just keep trying to go on with my day when I feel bad, but I had to give in yesterday when the room started spinning.  

It’s funny in a way to think about how I was already pregnant when I made the decision to stay home from school this year, I just didn’t know it yet.  If I had already known, I would have probably gone back for at least part of the school year.  BUT, everything happens for a reason, and I am so grateful that I don’t have to push through feeling so unwell while teaching, and that I will have the time to really enjoy this pregnancy and relish the journey.

Friday, September 16, 2011

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Today I am officially nine weeks, hooray!  The best new development so far has been that I am feeling a LOT better.  I woke up this morning and instead of feeling nausea I just felt…hungry!  What a great feeling!  The worrier in me, of course, worries that if I don’t feel sick, maybe the baby isn’t thriving. 

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Week 8:

Aversions – still chicken.  Also, I have an aversion to the word “preggers.”

Symptoms – Still sleepless nights (it’s getting a little ridiculous!)  Also waking up with hip pain for some reason.  When I do sleep, I have really vivid dreams.  So not very restful nights for now, hoping that changes soon!  Nausea seems to be getting better – for now I seem to be on a cycle of having a few good days followed by 1 or 2 not so good ones. Still thirsty all the time.

Bump check – now I just look fat!  I look like I’ve gained 10 pounds…which is funny, because I’ve only gained about 3.  Certain clothes are getting uncomfortable, elastic is my friend.

Here’s me at eight weeks.  Nothing much to see yet!  Can  I just tell you how much I hate this haircut?  It was a huge disaster involving my regular stylist taking an unplanned vacation and me really needing a haircut.  I wound up with a cut that I HATE and will take a long time to grow out because the underneath layer in shorter than the rest of it.  Sigh.

Cravings – I crave absolutely nothing about food right now!  One day this week I got out pork chops from the freezer, defrosted them, browned them on the stove, baked them in the oven, and got the rest of dinner ready with NO problems, but when I sat down to eat, I couldn’t even look at the food!

Pregnancy brain story of the week:  It’s definitely started.  I had to go to the orthodontist on Wednesday for a retainer check, about 25 minutes away.  I got over halfway there and realized that I had forgotten my retainer!  Oops!  I had to hightail it back home and was definitely going to be late, so I had to eat crow and call on the way to tell them I would be late (the German in me has an aversion to lateness…)
I am gaining a little confidence with every day that goes by.  When we first found out that we were expecting, I constantly feared losing the baby.  Every trip to the bathroom was filled with trepidation for me, and every little cramp or weird feeling was worrisome.  I wish that we got some sort of “free pass” since we waited so long for this pregnancy, but the fact is, it just doesn’t work like that.  Something could go wrong at any time during the pregnancy, and after the baby is born the worrying certainly doesn’t end!  Yes, I could still lose this baby.  And I would be absolutely devastated.  But I would feel that way regardless of how I feel about it now.  So right now I might as well be happy about it, and grateful for this chance to be a parent!
It’s been fun telling people – we’ve worked our way down the hierarchy, starting with parents, then branching out to other family members.  My side of the family got together on Labor Day to celebrate my cousin and grandmother’s birthday, and I signed my grandma’s card “From Baby Wolfe” and let her figure it out  J
Mike told the members of the church praise team at practice on Thursday, and we’ll probably tell anyone else who hasn’t already heard on Sunday.  

The only thing I dislike about telling people our big news is when they say unhelpful things without thinking about how the words sound when they come out.  The one we get most often is, “See, you just relaxed and look what happened!?!”  In fact, nothing could be farther from the truth!  We got some gems like that in the form of unhelpful advice when we started sharing with select people that we were struggling with infertility – I received advice about everything from doing headstands to the ever-helpful “just relax and it will happen.”  I’m glad that didn’t happen very often, because it was very difficult for me to hold my tongue!  I just feel that saying things like that cheapen my feelings.  If it REALLY was simply a matter of relaxing, things would be a lot less complicated for many, many couples out there.  Rant over.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Pregnancy Journal, entry #2

…Only this time it very quickly turned positive.  I kept thinking that I must be reading the test wrong, there must be some reason this is a false positive.  It took me almost 10 minutes to realize that there was a possibility that I was actually pregnant!  Mike was still asleep.  I knew that he would need to be fully awake for this news, because he tends to be a little groggy when he first wakes up.  Well, he was fully awake in about a nanosecond after I told him!  We both managed to get ready for church, all the while saying things to each other like “How can this be?  Can this possibly be for real?”  On the way to church, I called the on-call nurse and recounted the whole story for her, and she kindly affirmed for us that we were indeed pregnant.  It’s still a mystery how we managed to get through church and act somewhat normal!  

I barely slept that night – I kept wracking my brain for any reason why this could be not real.  I kept thinking I would wake up from this dream…the next morning I called the doctor’s office first thing, recounting the story again to a different nurse. She ordered a blood test for me to confirm the results of the home test, and that’s about when it sunk it for real.  When the results came back, the doctor was just as surprised as the rest of us, but she said that stranger things have happened.  But I was indeed pregnant….7 and a half weeks along, at that point.  In fact, we had to go in right away for an ultrasound, because my pregnancy hormone levels were so high that they wanted to check for multiples!  So we got to see our little one early (and yes, there’s only ONE!)  

So that’s where we are.   We’re so very grateful for this little “fluke”! 

Some stats:
Week 7:
Aversions – Chicken, for some strange reason.
Symptoms – Definitely having the sleepless nights that often plague women at this stage.  I have to get up a lot for bathroom trips during the night, and after that I can never seem to get back to sleep easily.  The nausea has been pretty bad, I’ve struggled to find things I can eat.  My mom took me to Whole Foods and enjoyed watching me walk through the bulk section, whiffing different things and saying yea or nay.  Really relying on crackers and toast to keep me going.  Always seem to be thirsty.
Bump check – finding out I was pregnant sure explained a lot…like, for example, why my waist seemed to be disappearing.  I can tell that I look different, and Mike says he can too, but it’s not yet obvious to other people.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Pregnancy Journal, entry #1

Part of me is almost hesitant to talk about my pregnancy openly and online.  I know that once I start documenting the journey, I acknowledge it in a new way.  If something were to go wrong, I would have to write about that, too, and that's something I definitely would not relish.  But I find it therapeutic to write about what's going on.  It's happening, and as of now we have a baby coming, so I might as well enjoy the experience!  Here is the first installment of my pregnancy journal:

Friday, September 09, 2011
Although this is my first time journaling about this pregnancy, I am almost 9 weeks along!  It took me awhile to get started because I’ve been pretty sick, and the idea of staring at a computer screen was a little repulsive to me for a few weeks!  I think I also was afraid to “jinx” things; that if I started chronicling this journey, something would go wrong.  But now that I’m feeling a little better (most days!) I’m starting to realize that I will forget things soon if I don’t write them down!  But before I get too far I’d better start at the beginning…

We had been hoping to start a family for a long time, and after many doctor’s appointments, chronic pain, and an endometriosis diagnosis, I underwent abdominal surgery on May 10th, 2011.  I missed almost two weeks of teaching school while recovering and had very high hopes that we would finally be able to start a family soon.  Two months later, still nothing.  Time was ticking, because the endometriosis starts growing back right after surgery, so we decided to undergo a round of Clomid to hopefully speed things along.  My first round of Clomid was taken during our vacation in the middle of July, and it was rough.  They warned me that taking the drug could cause emotional and physical side effects, and that they could be strong in some women, but I really had no idea just how hard it was going to be for Mike and I.  It left me wondering how I was going to be able to go back to school, get a new school year started with 18-plus first graders, and undergo another round of this stuff.  But I pushed that thought out of my mind, telling myself that the drugs would work. 
A few weeks later, we got the call – the blood test showed that the drugs weren’t working.  The nurse told me that the next time around, they would have to double the dosage of the Clomid.  When I look back on that time, I can tell that I was in denial.  I somehow thought that I could do it all; endure the side effects of the drugs while starting a new school year.  Then a few days later I woke up in the middle of the night in tears.  For the first time, I forced myself to realistically look at how the next few months would be for me.  And it became exceedingly clear to me that I had a choice to make: start a new school year and take a break from the drugs, OR take a break from teaching.  It was very hard admitting to myself that I couldn’t do both, but it was my reality.  As much as I loved teaching, it was time to put our family first.  One day and two freak-outs later, Mike and I pretty much had it figured out: we could make it work.  I could do private tutoring and make some extra money that way.  We’d have to make some sacrifices, but if things had gone the way we had hoped, I would already be a stay-at-home mom, so if this was the only way we could keep trying to have a baby, we would be able to swing it.  Telling my principal and teaching team was not fun, but they were very supportive of our decision.  Most people at this point didn’t know that we were struggling with infertility.  Of course, we had to tell other people as well – everyone wanted to know why I wasn’t going back to school, and some people even made the very painful assumption that we were already pregnant.  But again, most people were wonderfully supportive.  When you start telling people what you’re dealing with, other people come out of the woodwork with their own infertility stories, and it was nice to learn that we weren’t as alone as I thought we were.

So school started without me – that week was a little depressing!  But I was determined to keep busy.  I looked for more tutoring students and discovered areas of my house that hadn’t been touched since I started teaching 3 years ago, so I did a lot of organizing and cleaning out.  All this time, I was waiting for my next cycle to start.  My doctor had prescribed me some progesterone to hopefully speed that up, but I was warned that it took longer in some women than others.  I was starting to worry when several weeks passed, and still nothing.  It never really entered my mind that I might actually be pregnant, because I had been told that it wasn’t possible for this cycle – I thought that something was wrong with me.  On Sunday, August 27th, I woke up early in the morning and decided to take a pregnancy test.  I planned on calling my doctor the next day and telling her that I was still waiting for my next cycle to start, and the first thing they always want you to do is take a pregnancy test, just to be safe.  So I took it, fully expecting it to be negative, just like countless times before.  Taking those little tests had become a pretty depressing monthly routine for me.  I sat there like I had so many times before, waiting for the same old negative result...

To Be Continued...

Monday, September 12, 2011

I'm baaaaaack!

After a long hiatus from blogging, I've decided to take it up again because I finally have something to blog about....we are expecting our first child in April of 2012!  I hope to use this blog to document our journey as we become a family, both for family members/friends and for myself, to look back on as time goes on.  I am working on getting the whole story written down as it's happened so far and hope to have it up soon!  Good to be back!